Keep Moving

Keep Moving I mowed my lawn today.. The smell of the fresh cut grass brought a flood of memories to my mind. Memories of a happier time, of innocence and hope. There was a sense of sadness. Where did that girl I once knew go? NOT that I would change anything that has happened over the past eight years, each experience has made me the woman I am today.. AND I like me! I like who I have become! I have fought long and hard to become her!

But I feel like I have taken a few steps backwards over the past couple of weeks. It feels almost toxic. Maybe I went against my better judgement, or maybe this is just part of the healing process… Two steps forward, three steps back..??

Emotionally, I think I have reverted back. I am feeling things I felt at the height of my divorce. I HATE feeling!!! Most times I don’t even know what to do with the emotions. Does that mean I am broken? I don’t feel broken. I feel more let down and disappointed! The tears have been flowing today.. and I just can’t seem to stop them.

“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.” (I don’t know who said that).

My current situation is definitely not one I would have ever imagined or hoped for, for that matter. But regardless of how shitty my reality is, there are MANY good things in my life! I have two great kids who keep me on my toes and more importantly, keep me laughing. Laughter IS the best medicine, is it not?! I have people who love and support me. And for the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say I am HAPPY! That’s something!

So, why am I feeling like this? I think stopped moving forward for a minute. I got stuck. Looking back I allowed things into my life that perhaps I shouldn’t have. Chalk it up to yet another learning experience, I guess. Looks like it is time to regroup and re-evaluate… AGAIN! I keep reminding myself that life is like riding a bike, in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving! Life is all about moving forward. Because at the end of the day, all we have is who we are, and if we are stagnant, in the same place, doing the same things, we are not living life the way it was meant to be… And you don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward… It is just one small step at a time.

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Keep Moving

  1. Great post and a prescient beginning to the evaluation. Now please take this with a grain or two of salt, because I am a guy and we do feelings differently. When I get into those spots with feelings, where I have a tough time shaking them, rather than try to subdue them, I like to immerse myself in the emotion of the situation until I’m plain old tired of feeling that way. This helps to keep them from popping up unexpectedly later on. Good luck and I’m sorry for your struggles. They suck but they make the good times that much better.

  2. I know what you mean about the cut grass It brings me memoirs of my child hood growing up, Ice
    Cream cones, going to the park having picnics. I think you’re a very strong women who has had to be
    There for your Kids while going thru life’s up’s and down’s. Keep your chin up and a smile on your
    face. :>)

  3. “Laughter IS the best medicine, is it not?! I have people who love and support me. And for the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say I am HAPPY! That’s something!”

    It’s more than something: you and your family are healthy, you have laughter in your life, you are loved and you’re happy; you basically have everything a person could ask for that is meaningful.
    You have so have so many blessings and so much to offer, so of course you should be happy.
    (This is where you should smile. Along with laughter life should be filled with those too.:-)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s