Truth…

Food-is-most-abused-e1433219668223Bill Phillips was spot on when he made that statement several years ago. More than half of American adults today are overweight or outright obese.  I get that people use food as a drug. It makes you feel good. It numbs whatever “it” is. It is a sense of control, in a crazy out of control way, if you know what I mean. I have struggled with using food to “medicate” feelings and emotions, but I ALWAYS notice a difference in how I feel, not only physically, but mentally as well, when I am eating right.

I can also relate to exercise being an antidepressant. When I went through my divorce, I made sure I exercised daily. Even though I felt like crap, I knew it was good for me. I knew mentally I needed that escape, that stress release.  More importantly, my kids benefitted from it. I am pretty sure exercise was the ONLY thing that kept me sane … Ok, exercise and… Pinterest.

I honestly think that if people would just take a few minutes every day and get their bodies moving, even if it is just for 15 minutes, it WILL make a difference. Make the time… just walking out the door is the hardest part. You’ve got this!

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Weight Gain 101

  

This is it! I’m coming clean!  I have gained weight. 20 freaking pounds of weight! There is embarrassment and shame in this for me. How could I have let myself go?? Why didn’t I just have more willpower? I KNOW I am stronger, tougher, and more dedicated than I have proven over the last year, but I have been lacking in something. I took before pics this morning. I can’t .. won’t post them just yet. I’m still trying to adjust to the visual. Why do pictures look so much worse than the mirror?? Sigh! 

 I‘m ready for a change! I’m tired of doing the same things over and over and getting the same results…results I am NOT happy with!! My problem isn’t working out. Working out is actually the number ONE thing that has kept me sane and stress levels down. My problem lies with my nutrition and lack of mental prowess. In my defense, I’ve had major changes in my life.. I KNOW! Excuses! No one cares about excuses!

This past week I have been thinking a lot about what is working, but more importantly, what ISN’T working in what I’ve been doing. So… I’m going back to the basics. Back to the simple fundamentals of bodybuilding/fitness. Back to being ME! I’m tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I’m tired of my clothes not fitting. I’m just tired.

But… If you are interested in gaining some fluff and spillover like I have, being the helpful person I am, I will list the top five things that aided me in my weight gain. Ha! 

1. End a long term relationship. I DO NOT recommend this! But sometimes there is just no other way to progress and be happy. Most people lose weight with this step… Not ME!

2. Find comfort in food. Especially chocolate chip cookies… and don’t forget to eat the dough! Ha! 

3. Plan to NOT plan your diet. Eat whatever and whenever you want. 

4. Move from 5000 square feet to a mere 600 square feet… with two kids.  And put ALL your stuff in storage. This move was actually a good thing for us, but it has been quite the adjustment to say the least.

5. Go back to school after twenty-four years and start working on your bachelor’s degree. Whoa! This has been a HUGE adjustment. It took me three months, if not longer to find my groove. I just finished my first semester. (Flying colors) 🙂 I have loved being back in school, I’d forgotten how much I like learning. 

*Note: Please do not follow these steps! Actually, the last two are good things, just don’t overcompensate with food.. 

 

 

The Devil’s Fare

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I have a problem! It is called… NUTELLA! I admit, I cannot eat that delectable, magic devil spread responsibly. And YES! I went against my better judgement and brought a small jar into my house…OY!

I have been obsessing over that chocolate hazelnut seduction… I like it on bread! I like it on rice cakes! I like it in my oatmeal! I like it on a spoon! Ohh Nutella!

I have even created a new board on Pinterest dedicated to its deliciousness.. I’m a sick woman! 🙂

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D.I.E.T.

I don’t love the word DIET!  For one thing, the first three letters spell DIE… Enough said, right?! This is me five years ago, when I was always on a “diet.”

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I felt deprived and unsatisfied.. The word “diet” has negative connotations in and of itself… at least for me! I would always start on a Monday… Fresh start! I could stay on for a few days, but inevitably by Wednesday I would give into the cravings.. and what was the point of going back on, I had already messed up the week…Ha! So in all reality, it was two days on and five days off! Oy Vey!

Fast forward several years. I have figured some things out. Common sense stuff, really. I’ve learned about macro nutrients and the importance of having a good balance. When I decided to call my “Diet” a “Meal Plan.” everything changed for me. Sure I was strict on what I ate, but having a “plan” was the key. If I wanted to eat something not so healthy, I could plan it into my macros. It became all about the planning!

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I‘m not saying I don’t still struggle with cravings or emotional eating, I do. But I have learned how to avoid my triggers. AND if there is something, say like a Costco cupcake with lots of frosting delivered to my house by a neighbor, 🙂 I will put it in my freezer until Saturday, which is my free day. I know it is there if I decide I want to eat it…It’s a mental game! AND 9 times out of 10 I end up NOT eating it! But I can if I plan for it! I no longer diet! I eat for my goals and I stay on my plan.

It’s all in the mindset!

It’s Official

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Yep! I am officially SINGLE! I actually changed my relationship status on Facebook the other day to divorced and then thought, “That sounds so broken! and I AM NOT BROKEN!” So, I changed it to Single instead. It just sounds better.

I keep getting the token tap on the shoulder, the pity looks, and people tiptoeing around me, not knowing what to say. Well, let me make it perfectly clear… I am doing just fine! I am HAPPY! Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of tears and numberless BATCHES of chocolate chip cookies single-handedly eaten by Yours Truly… but I am DONE feeling sorry for myself! So, I am making the most of an ugly situation and I am choosing to be happy! Simple as that! Honestly, I feel like I am FINALLY living my life! It is far from perfect, but it is MINE!

I found a quote from Andy Warhol several weeks ago that has really helped put things into perspective when I feel down…  Saying “So What!!” TOTALLY works! 🙂

Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, “So what.” That’s one of my favorite things to say. “So what.” “My mother didn’t love me” So what. “I’m a success but I’m still alone.” So what. I don’t know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget.  ~ Andy Warhol

I fully believe if you aren’t happy being single, you will never be happy in a relationship. You need to get your own life and love it first.. THEN share it. I am excited to see what the future will bring!

How do you get through tough times?

It’s ON!

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I don’t know what it is or how it happens, but there seems to be this “switch” inside my brain… It’s either ON or OFF. I REALLY like it when it’s on! ON = Motivated and on plan everyday.  OFF = Not so motivated and half-assing my meal plan.

Eating is often the hardest part for me, but I always workout. That is a habit I am just not willing to break. I train regardless of me eating clean or not, I guess I like those endorphins. I know many people who will stop working out all together when they eat crap. I get it, but burning calories is still burning calories, right?

The past seven months have been nothing short of an emotional roller coaster for me. I have not eaten well… AT ALL! In fact, before the holidays I decided I was not going to worry about what I was eating. I enjoyed lots of good food and treats, and you know what? I remembered I like Apollo Burgers! Ha!

However, the bad eating habits have caught up to me. January 1st came and I had a plan, a well written plan, I might add. Remember that switch? It didn’t flip. Bad carbs create a vicious circle of craving MORE bad carbs.. If that switch isn’t on? the discipline that is required is just not there and then throw emotions into the mix… ugh! So I just get back up and start again.

Well, last Saturday, the switch flipped back on unexpectedly. I’m not complaining, but I sure wish I could figure out what the triggers are…

Here is the story… Saturdays have always been my free day, and we go out to lunch a lot on that day. My kids have come to expect it. My girlie was trying to decide which soda to put in her cup. Being 7, these types of decisions can take SEVERAL frustrating (for me) minutes. A lady came up and said, “So many choices, but I am going with the BEST choice… WATER!” and she proceeded to fill her cup with water. Great advice! But it bothered me. It REALLY bothered me, A LOT! I don’t know why, perhaps because she knows NOTHING about my family. For one, my kids don’t drink soda very often. Saturday is a free day for them as well. And it is not like my kids are overweight.. They are NOT! And do I really look like I don’t teach my kids a healthy lifestyle? Ok, I have some fluff and spillover right now, but I certainly still look fit! I really don’t like meddlers!

And the switch was on! It was as simple as that! So, really I guess I should be thanking that nosey-ass lady!

This has turned out to be a fabulous week. I have been spot on. My diet has been tight and my abs are coming back.. Oh, how I have missed them! 🙂  Abs are definitely made in the kitchen! I have said it before, you can’t outwork a bad diet!

2014…

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Three Things Thursday

I haven’t done a Three Things Thursday for a long time.. In fact, I don’t think I have ever done one on this blog… It’s about time I did, so here goes…

1. I have discovered Bitstrips… Oh. My. Gosh! Why is something so stupid so funny? I have been giggling for days…

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2. I have not been dieting. AT ALL! I am trying to enjoy this holiday season, even though I sometimes have to remind myself this after I eat something “bad.” I am realizing just how mental I am. Sad. This WILL be a topic for a future post. I have, however, still been training. Got to keep up that habit/routine, right?! 🙂

3. Christmas is next WEEEEEK… And I am ready! First time I have been ready this early–EVER! Maybe next year I will go for a new record.

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This has been a crazy year, to say the least! Thank you to the few who actually read what I have to say on here. It really means a lot, you have no idea! Happy Holidays!

2013…

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First off, 2013 has been quite a year! It has been full of emotional turmoil. It has been full of self discovery. It has, in fact, been a bit of a roller coaster, lots of good and some bad… But isn’t that is what life is all about? You can’t appreciate the good without the bad. The year started off great.. I had a new trainer and was prepping for a competition. And then stuff happened.. there were disappointments, there was some self sabotage, and there is this “little” thing called divorce. I have learned so much over the past several months, not only about myself but about people in general. Here are the top five things I have learned this year.

1. Things don’t matter.. People do.                             
OK! This is not news to me, but it has been magnified this year. I have several friends who are motivated by material things. Things are just that…. THINGS! I learned about five years ago that you can in fact survive without a lot of “things.” I did it! I am still here and I feel I am a better person because of that experience. Things can always be replaced, but people cannot. Life is way too short to not let those in your life know how you feel about them. The regret of not saying sorry, the regret of not saying I forgive you, or the regret of not saying I love you, can be too much. You just do not know when it will be too late to express your feelings.

2. People Will Disappoint You
I don’t mean to be a pessimist with this one.. it is just a fact. Back in June, when the majority of the “emotional turmoil” began, I confided in someone. He had been a close friend and I knew I could trust him. He was the only person I told for the first few weeks… I told him even before I told my family. Those few weeks were the hardest of my entire life! There were days I didn’t even want to get out of bed and face the world, but this friend checked on me, gave me pep talks which helped get my arse out of bed! I am grateful for his positive influence during that time. I owe him a lot. But being human, we all make mistakes. Feelings were hurt and he threw our friendship in the dumpster faster than his empty bottle of Rex Goliath! I thought that our friendship meant a little more than that, and with some, or any form of communication, for that matter, things could have been resolved, but I guess I was wrong. Hmmm. You know, when one door closes, several other doors open. I have been very fortunate to have positive people (family and friends) in my life. I don’t need any of the BS. I know who my TRUE friends are and I am grateful for each one of them, old and NEW!

3. Things Are Not Always As They Seem
Last week I observed a senior couple at the Costco food court. They were eating hotdogs and I could tell they enjoyed each other’s company. It was clear they were still in love after a lifetime together, or so it seemed. Come to find out, this couple had been married for only seven short years. In the autumn of their lives they found true love and were extremely happy. It gave me hope. We see only what we want to see, and that doesn’t necessarily make it true!

4. Sometimes In Order To Succeed All We Need Is Someone To BELIEVE In Us
I have come to realize the importance and magnitude of words. I have said it before, words are powerful! I have literally seen people change with receiving a sincere compliment. Telling someone you are proud of them and that all their efforts are not unnoticed can change someone’s entire day.. or week! Sometimes all we need is someone, other than family, to tell us that they are in our corner. It can make a world of difference.

5. Follow Your Heart
Regardless of how scary it may seem, your heart WILL NOT steer you wrong. Your heart always knows what is right. Always follow the path your heart longs to take.

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Oh, Oh It’s Magic

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Every morning, without fail, a certain commercial comes on the radio as I drive my girlie to school. This particular ad irks me! Most days I change the station because it just frustrates me! But I have listened to it in its entirety and they are advertising for some “liquid protein.” Supposedly, you are to take one tablespoon of this liquid before bed and it will magically melt away the fat. Hell, the radio announcer is down 3 pant sizes, and he is still eating whatever he wants! And NOT exercising! Hmmm.

Magic pills and potions. I hate how these advertisers thrive on laziness, desperation, and the hope of an easy way to heathy. (And don’t even get me started on the “Doctor!”) We all want a magic pill, er.. special liquid to melt the fat away! I certainly wish it worked like that, but it just doesn’t! The only way to get the body you want is hard work… Eating healthy and putting in time at the gym. Staying consistent. That is the key. It may not happen overnight, but it WILL happen. You just have to trust the process.

I Can Do Hard Things

Twice this week I have been told, “Nothing phases you. You are one of the strongest women I know.” Hmm.. Sometimes I don’t feel very strong. Life has taken quite a turn and well, frankly, I have struggled emotionally. One minute I am just fine and the next I am weeping uncontrollably. But with the support of family and friends–You know who you are–I have been ok. I have survived. I AM a tough cookie! ~I like cookies! 🙂

As of late my mantra has been:

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Twelve years ago when I crossed that first marathon finish line, I KNEW at that moment I could do ANYTHING I set my mind to. I did all the ground work, so to speak, before race day. I read everything I could find about marathon training. I logged hundreds of miles, I tried/tested different types of refueling. I travelled from SLC to St George to run my 20 mile training runs on the course. I bought new runners every 400 miles. I was well prepared! When the gun went off and we started the race, I got a little teary. I had worked so hard for that day, I was so excited… I had actually made it to the start line! (that is a story for another time). When I reached Veyo, I got teary again. The spectators cheering on the side of the road were fantastic!  At mile 16 I got nauseated, my IT band was screaming at me, EVERY step was an effort!  At mile 18 there were more spectators cheering. The tears started again and I couldn’t breath. I had to keep telling myself to stop crying, concentrate, and just breath. There was no stopping me!
Mile 22.. “Almost there..”
As I turned that final corner and saw the finish line, I got teary again.. only this time, I couldn’t suck those tears back in.  And then I saw my family…The tears really started flowing! I had made it! I had finished what I started! I had reached my goal! It was the hardest thing I had ever done and I did it all by myself. I had to rely on Me and only Me for 26.2 miles. It was Me who kept moving myself forward. And with every step I got stronger mentally!

Life can be a lot like a marathon. You think you know what to expect, but sometimes things happen… unexpected things that can throw you off a bit, making it necessary to adjust and re-evaluate, that’s ok. Not everything in life is perfect. Just keep your eye on the mark, working toward your goals and desires, and let nothing stop you! We can all do hard things!